What's Up with My Mind?

 

What’s Up with My Mind?

 

 1 in 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness each year

1 in 20 U.S. adults experience serious mental illness each year
1 in 6 U.S. youth aged 6-17 experience a mental health disorder each year
50% of all lifetime mental illness begins by age 14, and 75% by age 24
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among people aged 10-34 

 

These statistics from National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) are very sobering. Based on severity of the disorder, 44% to 65% of those diagnosed received treatment. One more statistic: The average delay between onset of mental illness symptoms and treatment is 11 years

 

So, why is Bruce blogging about mental health issues? I am glad you asked. NIH estimates that approximately 50% of females seek treatment, 36% of males (sorry, I don’t have numbers that are broken down by other genders.) So, why are females more likely to seek treatment?

 

Stigma must rank very high on the list of reasons people don’t seek help. People will think I am crazy. Others will think less of me. I can work through this. I do not need help.

 

I have a lot of acquaintances. I have an “ok” number of friends. I have very few friends that I consider close. Why? I am an introvert. Many of you reading this will disagree – especially those that have worked with me in the past. My professional persona is very different than the personal me. I know that I have offended many over the years by declining invitations to parties, dinners, pretty much you name it.

 

I have struggled with anxiety, depression, and other issues for decades. I barely admitted it to myself, let alone tell anyone else. I blamed Seasonal Affective Disorder for much of my internal issues. But you know what? It did not just affect me during the winter – it affected me year-round. I talked to my medical doctor and have been on different anti-depressants over the years. My doctor and I worked together on different medications, different doses, and different combinations. With little to no results in my behaviors.

 

My physical issues created additional mental health problems as well. As my spine continued to deteriorate and the pain escalated, it pushed me even farther into isolation. In January 2020, after enduring the pain and limitations I had surgery. I was a mess post-surgery. It was very different than after my first surgery about ten years before. I did not have any pain this time, but I could not do anything. I could not stand up. I could not go up steps. I fell. And fell. And fell. I could not get dressed – I could not reach my feet, put on socks or shoes. I could not bend or reach anything.

 

It took a very long time for me to do “things” again, like lift my foot to put on a sock without pulling it up with my hands. Slowly I started to pull myself out of my pity party. I became more active (by myself of course.) I planted a vegetable garden, worked outside, worked on some of the remodeling I started a couple of years before but could not finish because of my back.

 

And BOOM. It happened again. The walls and anger came back. Maybe because I was concentrating on my back health, I put those problems on hold. Hit me like a ton of bricks. Finally at the urging of someone close, I reached out to my medical doctor for recommendations for a mental health professional.

 

There it is. I finally caved and said I needed help. After. All. Those. Years. I connected with an amazing doctor. We spent a lot of time discussing what I was going through and how it impacted me. He helped me to realize other ways I was negatively impacting myself through my wandering mind. He suggested a course of therapy called EMDR. I had never heard of EMDR and he briefly explained. (You can google it if you would like.) It made sense. It was a modality that was well suited to my diagnosed issues.

 

The sessions were brutal. I cried at every session. I would journal my thoughts and feelings and after each session I wanted to quit. They got worse. But then they got better. The doctor explained the process in detail prior to starting – I knew it was going to be terrible, but after decades of feeling my mental health continue to deteriorate, I knew I had to keep going.

 

I have been in therapy for a year. Am I cured? No, I will never be “cured.” But I have some coping mechanisms that help me get through the bad days.

 

We, as people, are not perfect. Whether you believe we were created in God’s image, evolved from apes, spawned magically from unicorn poop, or whatever, we are imperfect. We are not alone. I know that there are many other people who have the same “disorders”, insecurities, etc. that I have. That is step one. Realizing that you are not perfect. Understand, and accepting, that you could use some help. Get that help. Give it a chance. See the change. Start living again. Do not stigmatize others. In our culture, many of us believe that males are strong and do not need any help with their mental health. If you are one of those people, cut that bullshit belief out of your mind.

There is a special significance to this post. Thirty years ago on December 14^th, my beloved Dad passed away. For years, the only way I could cope with the grief was to spend December 14^th with a bottle of vodka and a tumbler and continue pouring until the pain went away.

Thankfully that is no longer the case. December 14th still makes me feel sad, but I am able to redirect much of that sadness (and remaining grief) to reflect on the happy times. I have a picture of Dad opening Christmas presents on my desk. Christmas was always a special time, and we would “get mad” because Dad could almost always guess what the gift was by looking at it. It makes me smile today.

This holiday season, and throughout the year, keep an eye on your friends. Are they down? Do they just need to talk? Reach out. Let them know you are there. Do not judge. Just be there. Oh, and by the way, look at yourself. No one is perfect. It is ok to have weird thought and moods at times as long as they do not control your life. Help is available. Do not put it off for years like I did.

Peace. Love. Blessed Be.

and moods at times as long as they do not control your life. Help is available. Do not put it off for years like I did.

Peace. Love. Blessed Be.